17 Inspirational Auto DMs for Twitter

Let’s face it: in spite of all of our pleas and rants, expect the use of auto direct messages to swell as Twitter’s popularity soars in 2009.

Rather than going ape-s**t over something that will now be part of our lives, why not inject some creativity and levity into the process? Just as people have been adopting TwitBacks (ed) to tweak their Twitter profile page, perhaps spammers could use a bit of inspiration when choosing their auto DMs.


Automation doesn’t have to be impersonal or boring. Just as web design can be inspirational so too can automatic direct messaging on Twitter. For those who simply don’t want to waste time with the whole community-thing of a community, here are 17 inspirational DM templates for spammers, slackers or the simply overwhelmed:

  1. You’re following me! You’re *really* following me!
  2. When I saw that you were following me, I fell to my knees and wept like a dying swan. That’s how desperate for followers I am.
  3. Welcome to my Twitter stream. WTF doesn’t even begin to describe what’s going on with your avatar.
  4. It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it is told. Let’s tweetup tonight, mmmkay?
  5. Thanks for the follow, but I’m not prepared to lead. What ever shall we do now?
  6. Sorry. I beefed just before you started following my ass.
  7. Thanks for following me. I won’t follow you back. Hey, hurry and check out my Twitter secrets blog! http://twittersecrets.com/
  8. Do I make you horny?
  9. Dude, you smoke? DM me for some fine wool if you know what I’m sayin’.
  10. Shall we play a game? I’ll unfollow and block you. Then I’ll re-follow you and we start all over. Loser has to sleep with Calacanis.
  11. Congratulations. You just got a free week of my Twittention. You can enjoy a year’s worth of Douchebaggery for only $99.
  12. You’re not following who you think you’re following. Don’t worry: I hid the body. This is just between you and me.
  13. You following me? You following me? You following me? Who the hell else are your following? You following me?
  14. You just pushed the wrong button, my friend.
  15. Thank you for following me. Wait. What am I thanking you for? I have no idea why I’m on Twitter. Do you?
  16. Lucky you! I’m following you back, but only as long as you never @ or DM me. Ever. I’m Twitterati. Remember that.
  17. You had me at *follow*.

If you have more inspirational auto DMs please contribute to the comments below. I’ll bundle a marketing package together and we’ll share in the proceeds. What the hell, why not?

Twitter is about two things: technology and community. If you can’t do community on Twitter, at least do your best to fake it. Kinda like what you do for orgasms. But for Twitter. DM me anytime, sweetheart.

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